I was scanning profiles on an online dating site this morning (while I was waiting for laundry to get done -- not a complete waste of time) when I ran across an attractive and allegedly well-educated man, screenname of Nomorecraziezplz, who wrote this:
Alright, here's the rundown. Since I've been on this website I've met:
A) someone who cried ten minutes into the first date because the table next to us ordered calimari and the squid is the "smartest animal in the sea."
B) Someone who just moved out of her boyfriends place a week before and found out he was on match, and therefore decided she would join match to get back at him.
C) Someone whose engagement of 3 years had ended a month before and proceeded to go catatonic when she had an attack of nostalgia mid date. I had to snap my fingers loudly to get her to come back to reality.
D) Someone who after the second date decided "we needed to talk" and told me how upset she was I hadn't introduced her to my friends and all the reasons why I would die alone if I didn't date her. She proceeded to hide a ring on my bookshelf and called two weeks later because we "had to meet for coffee or dinner to get her ring back." I mailed it to her.
E) Someone who gave me an ultimatum after 3 dates that if I didn't commit then and there, we should never speak again. When I said maybe taking it slow would be better I was rewarded with a series of emails and text messages explaining, again, how I would die alone. (Note: On July 17th, this particular crazy texted me from an unknown number to tell me that she was in my neighborhood and she "just wanted to remind me how I missed out on something special".)
F) Someone who is "tired of celebrities dating her just so she can be arm candy at all the events they go to."
G) Someone who wore open toed shoes and enthusiastically pointed out that she had two toes on each foot that were, in fact, stuck together.
H) Someone who told me 5 minutes into the first date that she just got done having an affair with a married man. But it was okay, because it was "something she had always wanted to do." She was 23.
And of course I) Someone who auctioned herself off on ebay to be the high bidder's date to the Super Bowl. Obviously, part of the package was that he had to provide the tickets, airfare, and hotel room.
This just in. J) Someone who gained 11 pounds and only joined the dating site because she wanted the self esteem boost of knowing guys still thought she had a nice body. Ironically, she took down all the pictures that showed anything other than her head and shoulders because she was "tired of guys commenting on her boobs and asking her to send them naked pictures."
And my most recent disaster....K) Someone who, at the age of 25 thought it was appropriate to have a relationship with a 19 year old. Well, I should say 20. He turned 20 while they were together. For his 20th birthday she got him.....yes, a fake ID.
A) someone who cried ten minutes into the first date because the table next to us ordered calimari and the squid is the "smartest animal in the sea."
B) Someone who just moved out of her boyfriends place a week before and found out he was on match, and therefore decided she would join match to get back at him.
C) Someone whose engagement of 3 years had ended a month before and proceeded to go catatonic when she had an attack of nostalgia mid date. I had to snap my fingers loudly to get her to come back to reality.
D) Someone who after the second date decided "we needed to talk" and told me how upset she was I hadn't introduced her to my friends and all the reasons why I would die alone if I didn't date her. She proceeded to hide a ring on my bookshelf and called two weeks later because we "had to meet for coffee or dinner to get her ring back." I mailed it to her.
E) Someone who gave me an ultimatum after 3 dates that if I didn't commit then and there, we should never speak again. When I said maybe taking it slow would be better I was rewarded with a series of emails and text messages explaining, again, how I would die alone. (Note: On July 17th, this particular crazy texted me from an unknown number to tell me that she was in my neighborhood and she "just wanted to remind me how I missed out on something special".)
F) Someone who is "tired of celebrities dating her just so she can be arm candy at all the events they go to."
G) Someone who wore open toed shoes and enthusiastically pointed out that she had two toes on each foot that were, in fact, stuck together.
H) Someone who told me 5 minutes into the first date that she just got done having an affair with a married man. But it was okay, because it was "something she had always wanted to do." She was 23.
And of course I) Someone who auctioned herself off on ebay to be the high bidder's date to the Super Bowl. Obviously, part of the package was that he had to provide the tickets, airfare, and hotel room.
This just in. J) Someone who gained 11 pounds and only joined the dating site because she wanted the self esteem boost of knowing guys still thought she had a nice body. Ironically, she took down all the pictures that showed anything other than her head and shoulders because she was "tired of guys commenting on her boobs and asking her to send them naked pictures."
And my most recent disaster....K) Someone who, at the age of 25 thought it was appropriate to have a relationship with a 19 year old. Well, I should say 20. He turned 20 while they were together. For his 20th birthday she got him.....yes, a fake ID.
Something for the rest of us to think about when we get depressed about our romantic lives. My biggest dating disasters have involved people with no conversation skills and that guy who filed for divorce the day of our first date. But I'll tell you that story later :)
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So you going out with this guy?
If he asks me. I think I would be an upgrade for him, don't you? ;)